I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
