I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
