i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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