Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i now understand why vodka
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
