My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
