I CAN MOONWALK!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
