I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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