i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
