I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
