Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
