i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
