good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
