never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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