he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You made out with two different species that night
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
