I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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