Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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