I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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