chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
