Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
