I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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