why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
