Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
