I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
