I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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