I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
