Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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