Four minutes until I can fart!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I have tasted many bathrooms
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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