I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
