bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
