if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
