I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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