ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
