Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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