I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
