Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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