I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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