Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
