She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
