Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
