never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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