I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize