Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
