So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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