i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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