Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
