I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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