she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
