went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
