go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize