Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
