Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
