is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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