I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
