i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
a search helicopter?!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize