I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
