you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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