UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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