He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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