Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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