K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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