I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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