i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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