I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
