Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
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