So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
