Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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