my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
