Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
