you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
