I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
