So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
