What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
