is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
