just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
